Ok, ok, I know. This is classic Fairlight. I create this post several weeks ago and I am just now posting it. That is to say, I created a blank post document and put a title on it, totally intending to come back and write, but didn't. And so now, I am stepping up and writing this post after an extremely long day where I worked for 8.5 hours and then went to class for another 4. Finally home and trying to decompress, while avoiding other forms of social media---on which I am attempting to spend less time. Apparently this translates in to "catching up on blog posts."
As the title gives away- this is a post on Valentine's Day. Don't worry. If you are single or otherwise frustrated with Valentine's Day this is not a mushy post about my amazing husband (although he did pick a restaurant with an Argentinian twist because of my time spent in Argentina--a wonderful and thoughtful surprise). It is a post about breaking out of comfort zones. It is a post about pushing myself and trying not to worry about judgement.
For Valentine's Day, my hubby and I decided to try something we had never done together. We went ballroom dancing. Now neither of us will claim to be a dancer. I imagine myself a dancer. I spent hours, when no one else was home, dancing around the living room in high school. Okay, and maybe in college. And maybe even now, when no one is watching. I would never try out for "So You Think You Can Dance?" because I know that I can't dance. I do have that much self awareness. But I always imagined that if I had only taken dance classes, I would be a wonderful dancer. Put aside the fact that I'm not awesomely coordinated or graceful, or that dedicated to practice. I love dance. I love the way it can look so beautiful when performed by those who know the steps. I love the connection to music and emotion. I love how steeped in culture dance can be. So, we decided to try ballroom dancing together. I think it actually came from watching "Shall We Dance."
Something you should know about me and my husband. We are both perfectionists. If we are going to do something, we want to do it well. We were running a little late (doesn't seem to go with the previous statement, does it?) and missed the beginning of the instruction time. I was ready to jump in, but Aaron didn't want to---we had missed the first part and wouldn't know what to do. When I realized that they were going to make me rotate partners multiple times, I agreed with Aaron and we slinked off to the corner to watch the instruction and practice without actually joining the "class."
I will admit, I started getting quite nervous. We were in a big room with very few people and lots of mirrors. If you are like me, this translates in to being more obviously seen by people. There was no crowd to hide among as had been the case when I had gone Salsa dancing with friends before even meeting Aaron. There, you struggled with your partner to find enough room on the dance floor to do more than the basic steps. Here there were wide open spaces, which I guess is good in ballroom dancing. According to the instructor, at a social dance you move around the room counter-clockwise, so I guess you have to have enough room to make that happen.Whatever the case, Aaron and I were going to be dancing steps we didn't know in a large room, easily visible by everyone there and with no more instruction. I tried to put on my brave mentality. Believe me, there was some self-talk going on---"you are never going to see these people again," "everyone starts out this way, no one was born knowing how to ballroom dance," "this night is to have fun with Aaron, focus on that." Ah, the self-talk of a perfectionist, semi-type-A introvert.
I believe that God sent me a little extra social security blanket that night. A nice old man immediately caught on that Aaron and I were new at this. I'm sure it didn't take much time of watching us step on each others' toes and watch those around us fervently. Every once in a while throughout the evening he would step over to us, tell us what type of dance was playing (because they don't announce the dances, so you have to pick up on the dance style from the music--not easy for beginners who don't even know what all the different dances are), and model the dance with me as his partner. That meant that at least for a few moments Aaron and I could perform the basic steps of a dance. It definitely took courage on my part to step up and not do it correctly in front of several couples who were beautiful to watch. I even envied another couple who invented their own steps, obviously at the same level as we were.
After an hour or two we headed out to our dinner reservations, putting our first dancing evening behind us. Was it failure because we still can't really ballroom dance? No. It was a fun evening of seeing if I could actually follow a partner, after years of forcing my little brothers to dance with me and leading them around. An evening of self-talking my way onto a dance floor and a social situation that I had no idea of what the norms were. An evening of learning to focus more on my husband and my intent to have fun than on how other people were going to judge me (or not judge me as was probably more likely the case). Will we go again? Probably. Although we may pick up some dance videos at the library before we do.
P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures. One of the things we were attempting to do was spend an evening focused on each other and stay in the moment, so no pictures were taken---except in our minds! (man, I sure did use a lot of dashes in my writing tonight---)
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